The Art of Word Vomit
by SapphireSage
Summary: A collection of drabbles that come to me randomly. A mix of romance, angst, lemons, fluff, and humor. Rated M for lemons and angst. Genre in titles fer your mood :
1. Clear As Water: FLUFFY

**Clear As Water**

God, she looked so fucking beautiful when she read her book.

"You look so fucking beautiful when you read," I told her, breaking the silence that had enveloped us for the past two hours in Carlisle's library.

Her brown doe-eyes glanced up from _Crime and Punishment_, grinned a little sweet smile, and continued reading.

I looked down to my book. Hell, where was I? What was I even reading? Shit.

I flipped the page to pretend like I wasn't eye-fucking my girlfriend from across the sofa. Hopefully Bella didn't notice.

A tiny giggle made me look up.

Bella's gaze locked with mine, and she giggled some more.

"You're so fucking cute when you pretend not to eye-fuck me." she said, like she was reading my thoughts.

I threw the book aside, landing face up. _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. _Holy shit, no wonder.

Then she leaned over and kissed me.

"God, I fucking love you."

***

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**A/N: **K, guise, I'm writing an ExB one-shot that involves Edward being a Merman. You know, like a mermaid. Does that count as AU/AH? Or is it like a wholly new category, like AUF (Alternate Universe-Fantasy)? Well fuck it. I'm making it up. Keep tuned, it should be up soon!

And if you haven't read greeen_goldfish's _Courting Achilles_, what are you waiting for? Get your butt over there and start reading! It's an awesome fic.

I'm also rec'ing Anais Mark's _Metaphysics,_ for you AU junkies. That fic is the shizzle.

Bye, guise!

-SS


	2. Pastime: MISSING MOMENT HUMOR

**A/N**: I'm currently at work with GoK but needed a break from the intensity. And I love Emmett. I fucking love Emmett. Time to give this bad boy a spotlight :D

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**Pastime**

Man, it was not fair that Eddie kept Bella away from me. How much longer before her newborn strength went away? Who else would be up to the challenge to see how far we could throw tree trunks across the clearing? I silently fumed as I flipped on the television to Monday Night Football. Fuck. It was the Browns vs. the Cardinals again.

"Em, would you come and help me with the M3? I want to do a tune up." Rose said to me from the kitchen. I could hear her slipping on the ratty old jacket she used for her mechanic purposes. I never could understand why vampire girls worried do damn much about getting dirty.

Edward was sitting at his girly little piano with Nessie on his lap. "Emmett, get a grip, will you?"

"I would, if you'd let me go at it with Bella." I huffed.

"What part of 'You're annoying the hell out of Bella' don't you understand?" Edward growled. Nessie giggled from his lap. I loved that kid. Ever since the Volturi left, there was nothing fun to do around here, and the poor kid was growing too fast to take advantage of her childhood.

A slow grin spread across my face.

"No, Emmett." Edward said.

_Fuck you, brother. You won't let me have any fun. Nessie doesn't like to sit around all day with your sissy piano._ "Hey, Ness, wanna go out and help Aunt Rose and Uncle Em fix a car?"

"Hurry the hell up, Emmett." Rosalie called from the doorway, tapping her heel impatiently. "Nessie needs to learn a thing or two about cars, Edward."

I turned and mouthed to her, _Baby, I love you._ She rolled her eyes and turned around to walk to the garage.

"Come on, Ness!" I said to Nessie, stretching my arms out for her.

She patted Eddie on the arm and leaped over into my arms. As she mounted onto my back she passed me an image of me and Bella tossing tree trunks across our baseball clearing.

I smirked over at Edward. He groaned and went back to playing his piano. "Don't let her get too dirty, Emmett. Bella will be home with Esme and Alice soon."

_Bella doesn't give a fuck. We'll be right back._

Nessie giggled as I took off from the back of the house. Rose's scent was fresh and led away from the garage, which confused me. As I ran father towards the clearing, I realized Rose was on her way there, too.

"Hey, Uncle Emmett, can I go first?" Nessie asked me as we entered the clearing. Rose was waiting with a couple of trees in her hands.

"Sure, Ness. If you can throw farther than me, I'll give you a bear as a prize."

Kid grinned from ear to ear and she went over to Rose and took the tree trunk ten times her size and juggled it in her hands. Man, I loved that kid.

This was going to be fun.


	3. Socrates: ROMANCE

**Socrates**

He was sitting on a plastic garden chair that had nothing to do with the greenery around him. I realized then how glorious he looked in the sunlight. It glinted off his bronze hair perfectly, making it shimmer a brilliant auburn that was a sharp contrast to the paleness of his skin. Was he always that pale? He looked paler in daylight.

He was scribbling wildly across a worn notebook with yellowed pages. His back was hunched over with focus, obscuring my view of his perfect face. It was strange, watching him write like a poet.

I was in love with a poet.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

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**A/N**: I love picturing Edward like this. Don't you?

Anyway, go and read Anais Mark's** Metaphysics**! It's an AU fic that reeks of awesome. Like seriously.

And I recently went fic-diving (OMGOSH is that a task!) and discovered Violette de Musique's **Break Away**_. _AU/AH goodness. Both of these are on my favorites list on my profile.

Ok, I'll shut up now. Oh! And don't forget to check out my WIP, _The Garden of Kismet. _:D

-SS


	4. Anonymity: MYSTERY

**A/N**:I dreamt this up the other night, and I couldn't stay away from sharing it with you guys. Check out my WIP, The Garden of Kismet, on my profile. Alice has seen you look at it and guess what? You'll love it :D

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**Anonymity**

A master pianist, he was. The grandest there had ever been.

And no one knew who he was.

He sat every night and day on a lone street corner, with only a street lamp as his constant companion along with a worn and grubby fedora to collect his earnings. The master pianist had hardly an audience; it was much too rainy for anyone to stop and listen to his golden entreaties to a heaven of sound.

His name was Edward Cullen, but hardly anyone cared to know. Edward himself could hardly care if anyone knew his name, not if they didn't listen.

"You poor child," said an old woman to him one day.

Edward had merely shrugged and continued playing his keyboard. He had no money for a real piano, and they were too big to carry around anyway.

It was on a particularly foggy day--Edward hated foggy days, because the streets were emptier on those days with people who would listen to his music--that his fate changed. He was playing an especially elaborate piece by Rachmoninov when it happened.

One second, he was thoroughly focused on the way his fingers moved over the keys, and in a split second, he saw _her_.

It was _her._ The one person he thought he'd never see again.

And she was about to die.

In a move so blindingly fast that it disorienting, his hands reached out to grab the back of her coat and save her from tripping into the moving traffic. It was mere inches that his hands were from that soft, silky chestnut hair.

Edward pulled her back and steadied her on her feet. Her back was still facing him.

And then she turned around, huffing a sigh of relief. "Good God, thank you!" she said.

Their eyes locked.

She froze.

He froze.

Her eyes were as clear and brown as he remembered them last. The only part of her face that could never lie.

It was _her,_ after all.

He then went back to playing his ambrosia of music, playing a melody known only to them.


	5. APOV TGoK Drabble: ANGSTY HUMOR

**An APOV on The Garden of Kismet's Chapter Four: _Frozen Firs and Everlasting_**

When I brought Bella to Peaks, I only did so there would be every available chance of avoiding Jazz and Edward, who were out tonight, too. I knew Edward wouldn't slum it in a bar like this. Peaks felt safe, and Bella was being a little more of herself, too.

But when I saw Jazz, I completely lost my train of thought and focused on my fiancé's immediate beauty. God, he looked so hot in a vest. _So _glad I talked him into buying that one. His blue eyes locked with mine and the whole world disappeared. Would it be a bad idea to leave Bella alone for a minute while Jazz and I had a quickie in the bathroom?

I looked over at Bella to make up an excuse to leave her by herself for a minute, but froze immediately as a flash of an impending brawl blocked my vision. Her eyes were trying to burn holes into whatever she was staring at. Slowly, I followed her line of vision and was met by Jasper again, who was looking at Bella, me, and his partner. I looked over at the man sitting next to Jazz and saw his green eyes locked with Bella's. And then he was smiling. _Smiling._

_Aw, hell._

Bastard_._

But then I noticed _why_ Edward was smiling. Oh, good God. I recognized the striped ivory sweater I'd given him for Christmas, and the khaki slacks I'd picked out for him on a shopping trip not too long ago, and his favorite brown boots. Bella was wearing--and I had to admit, her style wasn't as horrid as it used to be--a very nearly identical v-neck ivory striped sweater and skinny khaki slacks that I kind of wanted to take from her. Not to mention her brown pumps. All the dresses and skirts that could match...

My mind snapped back to the present as I noticed Bella hurl herself out of her seat and begin to stalk towards Edward.

Oh, shit. This was going to get real fighty, real fast.

*****

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**Post-A/N:** Hey, guise! I just updated The Garden of Kismet yesterday (FINALLY) and I kind of wanted an APOV because I couldn't really describe HOW Edward and Bella matched from EPOV without making him sound a little gay. So, there you have it! I'm sincerely honored by you, my reader, and all of you who have put TGoK on alert and on your favorites list. I LUBBZ YOU GUISE REAL HARD. REAL. HARD.

Forever yours,

-SS


	6. Futility: ANGST

**A/N:** I took a spin on the _Guess That Drabbler_ prompt, Futility, on **TLYDF**.

**Futility**

There were days that I hated being a seer, a prophet, an oracle, or whatever it is that you choose to call me. There were times that I saw things I did not want to see, and there were times that I saw things that were pointless and did nothing but add tedium this is life of forever I led.

It was futile to try to stop them. The visions, they came unprecedented. I could never _predict _when I would get a vision. At times I wished I did. At times I wished more than anything to be able to stop them, because I would have enjoyed not being omniscient of what was to come for once. I wished that I could not act surprised when Jasper kissed me out of the blue--or so, he thought.

But it was futile to repress who I was. A seer, a prophet, an oracle. Whatever it is you choose to call me.

*****

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**Post-A/N**: RECS FOR THE WEEK!

**Awake in the Infinite Cold** by quothme  
This story is intense, and it seriously leaves you thinking about how it's really going to end...GAH! The angst! Go read it!

**Running for Home** by ooza  
I went fic diving again and I found this story and I am pretty hooked. Go read it! Both stories are on my Favorites on my profile.

I LUBBZ YOU GUISE FER READING. Thank you!

Con mucho amor,

SS


	7. Mindfuckery: HUMOR

**Mindfuckery**

I felt like crying. Like a big fat baby. Like a big, fat, vampire baby.

Edward laughed at me, but his voice seemed to be choked with emotion too. I looked over at him, and saw his face turned into a grimace. If it had been any other day, I would have laughed my ass off at him. But today I felt like hugging my brother and crying. Vampires couldn't even cry, for crying out loud!

"I feel like such a sissy," I muttered, flipping on the television to the sports channel. But watching Manning throw a pass made me feel like crying even _more_. It was so fucking beautiful.

"Emmett, please, will you control your emotions? I can't keep feeling them." Edward scowled, his voice high-pitched like he was ready to break down.

"We are such sissies, Ed," I said, which actually sounded like more of a cry.

Edward choked a laugh, but suddenly his head snapped in the direction of the staircase and every trace of our crybaby emotion cleared his expression. What the hell?

I turned to the staircase, and saw Jazz, laughing silently at the top of the stairs.

"Fucker!" I howled, jumping off the sofa and launching myself at him. "You did this?"

"I was bored, Em!" Jasper laughed, wiggling his fingers in my face. "Got to put my mojo to good use."

Edward laughed at the bottom of the stairs. I glared down at him. "You were in on this too, you asshole?"

He continued laughing. I smacked Jazz on the back of his head, then crouched down and looked at Edward. They knew I loved to fight. Fighty Emmett. Chyeah!

"Esme will snap our necks if we break something," Edward warned.

"You don't play fair, mind reader!"

Jazz took advantage of my hesitation and grabbed me in a headlock. "Can't let you break something, Emmett!"

I squirmed in his grip, trying to shake my brother off. Fuck breaking the furniture. "Outside, brothers! Let's take this like real men!"

Edward was already halfway outside, and Jazz let go of me and somersaulted behind him. I kissed my biceps.

_Let's get ready to ruuuuumble!_

No one fucks with Emmett Cullen and gets away with it!

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**A/N**: I love Emmett. He is my favorie. If you love this hilariousness, I did actually take the time to put together a one-shot that is ridiculous in itself. Go check it out, it's on my profile!

RECS FOR THE WEEK!

**Legendary** by WhatsMyNomDePlume

Awesome Whoreward fic. HANDS DOWN!

The Winners for the AwkWard Contest are up on TLYDF! I love them all, go check them out! TLYDF(dot)com.


	8. Tension: UST

**Tension**

Even though I can't read Edward's mind, I know _that_ look. The kind of look that makes your skin feel like it's about to burst in flames, the tingling sensation spread over your chest, your back, your fingers, and low, slow-burning heat in the lower half of your body. The look that is known only between the two of you, that makes you lock eye contact and not want to look away because often the anticipation is just as savory as the moment that follows. And then the feeling that gravity has shifted, and it's no longer the solid ground keeping you down; it's the magnetic pull from somewhere in his body that urges you to move forward with deliberate slowness until you're _this_ close from making physical contact, so close that your body aches for his touch but is relishing this feeling at the same time, and you want to move that much slower to make the moment you touch like a euphoria in itself.

Yes, I know _that_ look. And all it takes is one glance from across the room for me to know it.

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**A/N:** Wha...wha-what? Is this really an update from Sapphire Sage? Don't rub your eyes, because yes, yes it is! (Though only a drabble. I'm working on the rest, I promise!)

I know, I know, I've been M.I.A. from this updating world that I almost forgot how to do it. I'm currently working on _The Garden of Kismet_ like I've been promising and I've also entered the National Novel Writing Month challenge. Real life is kicking my ass (read: COLLEGE) but I'm definitely trying. And I'm going to cut this AN short before it overpowers the drabble itself.

RECS!

**Remember Me Tomorrow **by Skychaser  
Gah. This story is in it's early stages, but let me tell you, she's off to one hell of a start. I'm serious. I'm on the edge of my seat the whole time I'm reading this. It's perfect! Please go read! :D

**The Cullen Campaign **by belladonna1472  
If you haven't started reading this, what are you waiting for? Politics, awesome banter, forbidden love...this story has it all. :D

I LOVE YOU ALL! I'LL SEE YOU SOON :D


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